“Cats in the Cradle” by Jimmy Buffet comes to mind when I regret the time I didn’t spend with my children as they were growing up.  I’m sure you’ve heard the song.  The lyrics basically bemoan the feelings a father has after his son has grown into a man and turned out to be just like he turned out with the same amount of time for him that he had for his son as he was growing up.  The moral of the story is you will never be able to make up time  you missed spending with your children—you only have one opportunity.  Speaking from experience,  “I wish I knew then, what I know now.”

I was one of the fortunate mothers who didn’t have to work as my children were growing up.  I had plenty of time to spend with my children but as I reflect back on those days, I realize how selfish I was with my time.  I loved my children and I took care of them but oftentimes resenting the amount of time their care required.   I raised and nurtured my children to the best of my ability given the tools I was gifted with by my mother.  How you are raised influences a great deal how you raise your children and thinking back my mother was not the warm and fuzzy type mother.  It is essential to realize giving your children the gift of your time will become their most treasured possession in their adult lives.    Giving birth to a child makes you a mother, requires no skill but doesn’t necessarily make you a good mother.  Being a good mother requires dedication, sacrifice and self discipline--putting children’s needs and inopportune timing before your own.    

From the day they are born, you have to realize that the time you thought you would have to yourself to paint your nails and pluck your eyebrows is negotiated into time you spend working on your child’s homework project due tomorrow requiring your participation late into the night.  You learn to sacrifice the time you thought you had set aside for putting on your make-up only to have to forego it in order to redress the toddler you had cleaned up, dressed and prepared for the visit to the pediatrician only to repeat the process again because while you were dressing yourself, little Johnny poured himself a glass of milk only to spill it all over himself, leaving no time for make-up and you leave the house au natural.    You just finished cleaning the living room for your anticipated guests only to hear Suzy calling you to help her pitch her “house” between the sofa and the love seat.  You know you have to wash the sliding glass doors two times with your three-year olds help, but you give in after you are reminded, “But Mommy, you said the next time you washed  the windows, I could help.”   And then there’s the one bedtime story that turns into three or four, the last trip to the bathroom and another drink of water--turning a 15 minute bedtime routine into a 45-minute ordeal before you can finally sit down to watch your favorite T.V. show only to be “rudely” interrupted by “Mommy, I have a tummy ache” and the possibility of a yet another sleep deprived night.   

Don’t miss out on the only opportunity you will have to make a positive, fulfilling impression on your children.  Give of yourself often and freely – don’t regret the time you sacrifice for them - you will never have the opportunity to do it again.  Believe me, you will receive your reward, you’ll just have to be patient for 25 to 30 years!!                                                  Article by E. Smith